Friday, August 18, 2017

How Do You Deal With This?

I am struggling with a deep and unrelenting shame for my shameless family members.

I am ashamed of the fact that they are racists, bigots, and willfully ignorant to facts and reason. That regardless of how they identify, their actions more than give them away.

I am ashamed of their unchecked hubris. Of their unwillingness to see another point of view. Of their hatred that they mask with “patriotism” and Christianity.

I am ashamed that they call themselves Christians while unabashedly supporting the views of the morally bankrupt.

I am ashamed that they are too proud to admit they have made a mistake in putting their support behind Donald Trump.

This is ½ of my upbringing. ½ of the people who raised me. I don't know how to reconcile their current actions with my childhood memories.

Maybe they've always been like this and I was just too blind to see it?

Everything in me wants to say something about it. Everything I am wants to try to influence them to change. But it’s like shouting into the wind.

I know I'm not alone in this. I know others are dealing with similar situations. And I truly want to know how you manage it? Because it's like a weight that I can't shake.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

To 2017

Like most, I have, in my 26.7ish years, failed at innumerable new year’s resolutions. I think it’s a bit of a given, unless you resolve to fail at your resolution (which is a terribly confusing gambit in itself) or you resolve to do something very small (such as eat one salad) you’re probably going to lapse. The fact is, change is hard.

In the past few months, 2017 has been both a light in the distance and a looming shadow. While we leave behind the heartbreaks and disappointments of 2016, we are now faced with surviving 12 months of fallouts and ramifications. Gallows humor aside, I’m legitimately frightened about what some of those ramifications may be. Perhaps more than ever, the future is scary.

To that end, my resolutions are centered around actionable steps I can take to improve my life. I know there will be setbacks, but I’m resolving not to let them completely derail me.

1. I’m going to do my very best to write and post at least one thing here a month. I barely wrote in 2016 and I miss it. I’d like to get back into the habit.

2. I’m going to stop biting my nails. If I’m being honest, I’ve already had a lapse on this one. But I have to keep trying. That’s really all we can do. 
3. I’m going to take steps to improve my health and wellbeing. I’m intentionally vague here because I have learned in the past that putting stringent guidelines on my health does not work for me.

4. I will do everything within my power to encourage openness and acceptance. I will fight to not let the voices of a few, disenfranchise millions. I will choose love over hate. I hope you’ll join me.