Friday, June 29, 2012

9 Under-Appreciated Awesome Things

I don't even know, this all started when I realized that no one knows what the heck a spin pin is and then it just metastasized into this thing that I felt I had to write about.  So without further ado, 9 totally awesome things that people often don't notice or don't think about. 

1. The spin pin.  These things actually work really well.  I was beyond skeptical when I bought them, 20 bobby pins in one? Give me a break, I thought.  I am happy to say I misjudged them though, so go buy some, you won’t regret it.  

2. The doggy bag dispensers in my apartment complex.  I mean seriously, they provide us with bags and trashcans, pick up your dog’s poo.

3. How cool looking clouds are.  Look at them sometime, they are kind of amazing.

4. The enormity of outer space.  When you think about how big the universe is, and by that logic how perfectly insignificant we are, it is somewhat mind blowing.

5. Velcro.  It’s awesome and it allows you to put off teaching your kids how to tie their shoes almost indefinitely.

6. The human thumb.  Look at yours.  Touch your thumb to all your other fingers.  That’s what puts you at the top of the food chain.  Contemplate that.

7.  Indoor plumbing. Enough said.

8. The sense of smell.  I feel like this one gets a bad rep sometimes because people are more apt to complain about bad smells than they are to rejoice in the smell of, say, freshly cut grass or a fresh loaf of bread.  Imagine how drab the world would be if you never got to smell things.

9. Internet and the fact that I can publish this little list and almost anyone in the world could access and read it.  It’s a small world after all folks.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Mommy I like the interns, can we keep them?

 So there are three interns working at my office this summer and I kind of really like them.  Maybe because they are close to my age? Maybe because they are legitimately awesome?  The world may never know.  At any rate, I like them!  

One of them, who we will refer to only as DowntownAbrown, made me the super cool little drawing to the left.  Isn't it spectacular?  She’s also making playing cards with an office theme, she has mad skills.  Before the summer is up she will hopefully be writing a guest post or two about her varied dating experiences, which I shall post on here for the world's entertainment.  Because, you know, the whole world reads my blog. 

Oh, and side note, I should not be allowed in an office sometimes.  I could not make the toaster oven work this morning so I asked a co-worker for help.  He came with me to the break room and proceeded to plug it in.  

Life -1   Kyley -0.

In my defense, the timer is mechanical so it was clicking like it does when the machine is plugged in.  That makes it better right? Right?! 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Day in the Life: Vision Problems

So a few weeks ago my company had their sales meeting and my boss gave a presentation.  He asked me about it later and I said, “Yeah, it was really good, I mean what you said was good, I can’t be sure about the graphs and stuff because I couldn't really read them.”

He looked at me somewhat quizzically and I explained that, tragically, my eyes had recently gotten much worse and consequently I could not really see anything.  His response, “You probably shouldn’t be driving like that.”

I contemplated asking for a few weeks paid vacation until my insurance kicked in and I could go to the eye doctor but I didn’t think it would work.

Fast forward to last night. I’m at the eye doctor.  She asks me to read the smallest line I can.  I can read the second line.  She tells me I would not be able to pass a driving test right now.  Well played boss, well played.   

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

So about the new name…

I've gotten a couple of questions about my new blog name so I thought I’d take a second to explain it.  For those of you who have seen the movie Pirates of the Caribbean I ask you to remember the quote, “I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.”  

Maybe you heard it and didn't know what it meant, that’s what I did, but thanks to my preternatural need to know all the words, I looked it up.  According to Merriam-Webster online, acquiesce means, “to accept, comply, or submit tacitly or passively.”  For example, they demanded that she become an adult, and she acquiesced.   

Which is just a perfect segue into the new name.  Adultquiescence.  As in my accepting, complying, or submitting to adulthood tacitly or passively. 

Isn't it fun to learn things? 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Insect Infestation

My world has become moderately unpleasant.  There are far more bugs in it than I find desirable.  Story time!
Last Monday (Memorial Day) I was still not a full-time employee at my company so I went into the office to get my hours.  I had such goals.  I was going to put in my 8 hours.  And then the bugs happened. 

I was sitting at my desk harmlessly filling out paperwork when a small dragon landed on the wall.  I later learned it was a blue mud dauber wasp; see a picture of the beast here!  It was enormous.  I just wanted it gone.  I tried tapping on the other side of the wall; I tried making loud noises, etc.  I just wanted to scare it away; I thought I would be fine if it would just not be directly in front of me.  It would not be deterred. 

So I started looking around the office for some raid or something.  Back story time, I am almost incapable of killing big bugs, I hate getting close to them and it just makes me feel so bad.  Anyway, all I could find was a can of static guard.  You can roll your eyes, in hindsight this story is even more absurd than it seemed at the time (and it seemed pretty darn ridiculous). 

I pick up the can of static guard and think to myself, “Self, you could spray the big bug with this stuff, incapacitate it, and capture it under a glass! Yeah! This is such a good idea!”  Not a good idea.

I spray the bug.  The bug disappears.  It has flown away.  Now I’m just a wreck because I know there is a giant (and likely seriously pissed off) bug on the loose.  I sit back down and proceed to jump every few seconds thinking it has come back for me.  A few minutes later it reappears on my stack of papers.  I jump up and scurry out of my cube.  It climbs off the papers so I pull them away.  I then grab a vase, trap it inside, and put my heavy tape dispenser on top of said vase for good measure.  

I go back to work.  Every few seconds the bug flies into the side of the glass and terrifies me.  About 15 minutes go by and I’m growing accustomed to the clinking noise.  Then I hear something else.  I look over to the wall and see that the noise had been a GIANT millipede falling from the wall.  It scurried away before I could get it.  

And at about that point I was done.  I packed up my things and left.  I’d only been in for an hour.  I stand by my decision though, totally unfit work environment! The bugs are just too ballsy when nobody else is here.

Oh yeah, and the bug I trapped, I had every intention of asking someone to save the next day but when I got in he had died : [ … it was quite depressing.