Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Intern Win

So, a man that I work with has a running joke where he asks my boss to go to Dairy Queen and bring him back a Dilly Bar. Due to the recent heat wave, this has been happening with increasing frequency. Last week alone I recall him making this request at least three times. Now I, as an avid supporter of ice cream, I think this is a brilliant idea! So whenever Ike would ask Jake to go I would say, “Ooo! Bring me one too please!” But Jake always said no, he didn’t want it to melt, didn’t want Ike to get diabetes, worried he’d get attacked by a yeti on his way back, etc. This leads us to today.

My boss, Jake, is on vacation this week which is really quite sad for him considering the events of this afternoon. This being said, today while waiting to gain access to a site I need to use to finish a project, I decided to go get some food. Then I had the brilliant idea to go to DQ and bring back Dilly Bars. I did so. I walked into Ike’s office, tossed one on his desk, and walked out as he said, “You are awesome!”

Shortly thereafter this email (with photo) was sent to my boss.

“After years of asking one was finally delivered today (see picture)!!! In a related note Kyley has been promoted to Marketing Coordinator and you are now her intern.”


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I’m going on a trip, eh?

So, I’m very excited at present because I am going on a trip soon! So far in my adult life I have gone on one trip, one! This is simply unacceptable! Granted it was an awesome trip (to St. John, USVI) but still, how can I ever hope to become a well seasoned world traveler if I am in a constant state of remaining sedentary? I’ve yet to even actually leave the country! But all of this will be changing, albeit in a small way, on August 9th!

I’m going to Canada! Land of maple leaves and Mounties and… things I will learn more aboot when I’m there! I’m 97.3% sure I will blog about the trip when I get back but I want to talk about the planning part first. So, I’m going with my best friend from high school. Since I never use real names we’re going to call her Pentarial, which is really funny if you know her real name, trust me. Well, actually, I’ll probably post photos later anyway which defeats the purpose of concealing her identity so her name is Octavia. Get it now? Octa to Penta, Avia to Arial? Trust me, it’s hilarious.

Originally we were going to go to Prince Edward Island, but when we found out it would be about $1000 each to fly there we changed our minds. I did some research looking to see if it would be less if we got to Canada and then flew. It was a little but still pretty pricy. But what I learned was we could drive to Ontario (which is only 3 hours from my hometown, absurd, I know) and then catch a train to Toronto. So that’s what we decided to do.

Now here come some of the fun parts.

I have a discover card because they’re awesome, I get cash back and my card looks like this. Canada does not like discover though, so when I went to order our tickets online I had to use my Chase card (which looks much less radical). After two failed attempts to use said Chase Visa, I was told I’d attempted to use a nonexistent card too many times. As I was holding my card in my hand, this was very difficult for me to understand. Clearly, it was, in fact, in existence. So I called the Train Company. We were having a lovely little chat aboot my upcoming trip and the woman had just helped me to order the tickets, given me the confirmation number, and asked me a leading question when my phone died. And just like that I became that rude American. So sad. So I ran to find a phone charger and promptly called back Canada. I could not get the same woman though, so on the off chance that you ever read this my kind Canadian helper, please know you were very helpful and yes, I am excited about my trip.

So, now I have the tickets booked! We are taking the train from Ontario at 5. It’s going to be a long drive but we can sleep on the train then so it should be fine. That’s the train by the way. I mean probably not the train, but one from the company we’re using.

After getting the tickets I had to book our hostel. This went much more smoothly than the train part. We’re staying here. It’s called The Planet Traveler and it’s the greenest hostel in North America. Solar energy, geothermal/heat transfer, photovoltaic electricity, wastewater heat reclamation, all that. I’m really excited about it, plus the whole place uses LED lights so it takes less energy to light it for a day than it does to run a hairdryer.

So yeah, we have not totally decided what we are going to do while we’re there but we are right in the epicenter so I think it should be a fun trip. I will write about it when I get back for sure!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Sorry So Serious

I know that generally my blog is comedic in nature (at least I try to make it so). Today, however, I feel like I want to write about something more serious. Yesterday, the news broke that Borders Bookstore was going under. They are liquidating entirely and will cease to exist, anywhere. I hate this fact.

Let me start by saying, I am slightly biased. I love words, writing, reading, books, everything. Additionally, I do buy books via Amazon. It's less expensive, fast, and the books come to me, what more could I want? Just because I sometimes buy on Amazon though, does not mean I support all of their endeavors.

I am not a fan of the Kindle. I don’t like the Nook. I don’t want to read a book on my iPad, iPod, phone, computer, or any other electronic device. Where my sadness about Borders stems from is that its demise is a direct effect of the electronic book age.

Thinking back to when I was younger, some of my fondest memories involve books. I know that every time I went to the mall in the “big city,” I asked if we could go over to Borders as well. I would walk around marveling at all the books. Now I know I probably sound like a freak but I just don’t care. I feel very strongly about my disproval of electronic readers and books.

Reading a book is an experience to me. Beyond the normal reading. It’s holding the heavy volume, turning the pages, watching myself progress through the story. It’s knowing that I will have that story for years to come, knowing I can share it with others. It’s having that book displayed on a shelf where it can be noticed and lead to discussions with others who have experienced it. I just don’t think I could get that from an eBook.

Most of all, I hate the idea of my children not knowing what books really are. The idea that they might not get to see, smell, and feel an actual paperbound book sort of breaks my heart. Maybe I’m alone here, I know several people who love their Kindle’s, Nook’s, etc; they like being able to carry hundreds of books at once. I see that as unnecessary. I apologize for the rant, but next time you buy an electronic book just remember that that is one less book future generations will have the ability to hold.

What do you think of the book vs. eBook debate? Should Borders have done more to create something like the Nook?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Top Life Advice I've Been Given Slash Lessons I’ve Learned

1. Don’t cut in line.

2. Don’t pout; a bird will come land on your lip and then poop on your chin.

3. Don’t try to ride in a Cozy Coupe if you’re too big.

4. Save your tears for crying over the big things.

5. Check if there is a wasp on something before you grab it.

6. If the snow looks higher in one spot don’t assume it’s a hill, you will get stuck and have to have your grandpa come pull you out.

7. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

8. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

9. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

10. If the school corn looks too perfect it probably tastes nasty.

11. Once a year, go through your clothes and donate what you don’t wear.

12. Don’t let fear rule your life.

13. If something scares you keep confronting it until it doesn’t anymore.

14. Trust your gut.

15. Don’t give up.

16. Break the rules every once in a while.

17. Do not get caught when you are breaking said rules.

18. Drive carefully.

19. Make good choices.

20. Be there for your friends but don’t let their life dictate yours.

21. Don’t be a tramp.

22. Watch cartoons regardless of how old you are.

23. If you see a boy you like go up to him and say, “Hey, you’re cute, you should buy me dinner sometime.”

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Max Pain: The Life of a Supercreep

In the internship learning system, six sigma based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Indianapolis, the dedicated detective who investigates these vicious accidents is a member of his own elite squad, known as the Max Pain Victims Unit. This is his story.

Max is an…employee of the company I work for? He is the representation of six sigma safety, I believe. If you can’t tell from the photo, Max is a large wooden man. He kind of reminds me of a paper doll like I used to play with but way creepier.

First a physical description, just incase you can’t fully make everything out from the photo. To start, he has vampire teeth. As he is two dimensional they are simply tacked onto his face open to their full oval capacity. Above these teeth he has, what I can only describe as, a Hitler mustache. He has no eyes but a cap that would cover them if he did, in fact, possess some. No shirt but yes on the nametag. He appears to have some sort of skin condition involving red and green spots. One side of his torso is “dangerous,” and he appears to have several wounds being treated. His shorts are far too large and therefore are tied on with a zip cord. He has a baton in his pocket that I strongly suspect is his primary weapon of choice. He has very flat feet and no shoes.

I considered doing an interview with him but he never got back to me about whether or not he would be interested, he’s kind of a quiet guy. So instead I decided I just write a little about my experiences with him so far.

In the beginning of my internship, Max lived out in the vestibule because that was here he had been stashed during the remodel. In this location he had prime exposure and was able to both monitor the comings and goings in the building and scare the crap out of me on a daily basis.

He then moved around the hallways some, always in a new location, always scaring the bejesus out of me.

Now fast-forward to when we are all happily sequestered in our little cubes. I come into work one morning and who should be squatting in my cube, but Max Pain. I sigh and hide him behind some other things. (As the intern, my cube has become something of a catchall, I have some tradeshow decorations in tubes in the back corner, and he was hidden behind them.)

My co-workers made fun of me for hiding him and asked why I did not enjoy my new cube buddy, I responded with a scathing,

“Because he’s really stinkin’ creepy that’s why!”

I come in a few days later and the tubes have been moved to the side revealing Max Pain in all of his frighteningness. I promptly stack them back up all around him.

A few days later I come in after my boss to find Max Pain out and lying across my entire cube! I should have called shenanigans right then, but Jake and Cliff said they had “no idea” how it happened. I remain unconvinced.

Max is out of my cube now and moving around the office, spreading his creepertastic ways around the world as best he can. So, the lesson of the story? Obey six sigma safety standards or you’ll get harassed by a big wooden man. Yes, yes I think that’s the moral.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The New Look

I decided it was time i got legit with my blog. This being said, I designed this new layoutness. I think it's pretty cool. In a related vein, I am fast falling in love with the Adobe programs. Illustrator helped me to create the header for this. One more thing to love my internship for, I'm continuing to learn about things that are sure to help me as I go on! Okay, that's about all I've got, but since there is usually humor involved in my blog I leave you with this: