Friday, December 14, 2012

That Drug Test Was So Random.

What do you think the chances are that the youngest employee (who hasn't even been full time with the company for a year) would get chosen for the random drug test?

If you guessed 100% you are correct!  I was subjected to my first random drug test yesterday.  Can I just say that, at my company at least, these situations are super intense!  Basically, my boss got an email and I had 30 minutes to get to the clinic.  And as I told him, this was not enough time for me to go buy any sort of detox product!  Serious troubles for those regular recreational drug users.

Anyway, considering the fact that it takes probably 3-5 minutes to fill out the necessary paperwork and another 17-20 to get to the location you can see how you might have a pretty stressful situation on your hands!  Luckily, I finally got a phone with GPS on it so I did not get lost on the way. 

I won’t go into details about what happened during the whole thing because you probably can figure it out.  My favorite thing though was when I came back and one of my coworkers IM’d me.  The conversation went something like this:

Coworker: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I told HR to draw your name because I think you’re a huge stoner lol. 
Me: That is so rude! 
Coworker: I also told them you have vodka in your water bottle. 
Me: Ugh. Seriously, I can’t tell you anything…

I do feel it is important to note that I don't actually think my age had anything to do with it.  There was an older guy there too so we were clearly spanning demographics. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Reasons I Will Be Angry if the World Ends This Month

1. I'd never get to do the whole soul mate, marriage, kids thing.  I mean this is not exactly a pressing concern for me at the moment but I'd be super bummed if I totally missed out on it.

2. These are all sort of related so, I wouldn't get to know:

  • Who the mother of Ted's kids is.
  • Whether good triumphs over evil / whether Regina stays good.
  • Whether Max and Caroline get their cupcake business.
  • If Michelle stays in Paradise or goes back to Vegas. 
  • Who all is on the "A Team."
  • Which brother Elena ends up with.
  • Whether Leonard and Penny end up together. 
  • What happens with the girl Dr. Reid is talking to.
  • Whether Dexter and Deb work out their relationship / how his whole "living as a serial killer" thing ends.
  • If Hannah Horvath ever writes her book.
  • If Jess and Nick end up married. 
  • Why Chloe is so bonkers / if June ever gets another real job and ends up with Mark.
  • If Girl Meets World will be awesome or a total flop.

Side note, since graduating college I have started watching WAY TOO MANY shows. 

3. I'd never get to rent a car or pay less for my car insurance.

4. I'd never get to have nieces and nephews to spoil.

5. I would not get to read all the books on my "to-read" list.

6. And in a related vein, I wouldn't get to know how all the series I've started would end.

There are probably tons more things I'm not thinking about but these are the ones I can think of now.  I'll update the list if I think of anything else really major.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Can we please just take a moment to reflect on the fact that it is officially the Christmas / Holiday season?  Take a deep breath in through the nose; you can almost smell the baked goods and Christmas cheer.  Okay, the cheer is a very faint smell.  You may not actually be able to smell cheer.  But the baked goods!  You can totally almost smell baked goods.
Baby tree is up, gifts are wrapped, life is good.

This is one of my big cliché things, I just love Christmastime.  I like decorating.  I get a freakish high from finding the perfect gifts for people.  The music makes me smile.  I love the festive food.  I donate to the bell ringers at the grocery store.  I’m tempted to smell pine even though it destroys my sinuses.  I’ll watch Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and The Santa Clause at least once apiece, likely more.  I will go to Christmas Eve service with my grandma and wear one of her funny Christmas sweaters for the occasion.  And since I’m no longer in school, and I don’t really have plans for Christmas day because I suddenly got old and my whole family won’t be in town on that day so we moved it to a different day, this year I will finally sit down and read all of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol on Christmas!     

Frankly, I could not be more excited about that last thing.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years but I always have felt like I was too busy or had too much to do.

That’s really all I’ve got, I just needed to share my yuletide joy with the world. 

Friday, November 16, 2012

Why Genie in Aladdin is Kind of an Ass

I think it’s safe to say that most people born in my generation in the English speaking world have seen the Disney movie Aladdin.  For those who haven’t, here’s a brief summary:

Orphan “street rat” meets disgruntled princess on the run from royal life.  Street rat (from now on known as Aladdin) gets put in jail where he meets creepy old man who is actually bad guy in disguise.  Bad guy wants a lamp from the “Cave of Wonders” so he enlists Aladdin’s help.  Bad guy double crosses Aladdin and Aladdin ends up stuck in a cavern in the ground.  Luckily Aladdin’s pet monkey has stolen lamp from bad guy.  Lamp contains Genie.  Genie helps Aladdin to woo the princess and things are going good until all the lies come crashing down around him.  Enter final battle sequence.  Good triumphs over evil and they all live happily ever after.

So you get the gist.  But what I want to talk about something that has bothered me, literally, for years.  When Aladdin first rubs the lamp Genie comes out and sings his little genie song which begins with the line, “Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves…”

Let’s fast forward now.  While I know it is less likely that people will have seen the third Aladdin movie (Aladdin and the King of Thieves) that is where my frustration stems from.  For those who have, you may be making the connection.      

The most important fact from this movie is that Aladdin finally meets his dad.  How does he meet his dad you ask?  Well, he and his 40 thieves crash Aladdin and Jasmine’s wedding. 

Scumbag Genie
That’s right; Aladdin’s dad is the king of thieves.  The same thieves that Genie sang about all those movies ago.  I just don’t get why Genie would not tell Aladdin that his dad was the king of thieves!  That seems so very mean! And I mean yeah, they call him “Cassim” in the movie but he’s totally Ali Baba.  Why else would Aladdin have chosen the pseudonym Prince Ali?  It was all there, in his subconscious.  The whole time. 

I just think it was a jerk move on the part of Genie, he totally should have told Aladdin where his dad was in the first movie, it could have saved him a lot of trouble I’m sure. 

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Things I Want For Christmas

So my friends and family have a handy resource.

1. A TV that is bigger than my computer monitor at work.  My current one is not and it is a source of constant mocking. (Thanks Dad!)

2. A dog who is normal and does not constantly eat my apples.

3. World peace.

4. This Jacket in Premier Purple (Probably a large).

5. A good set of kitchen knives.

6. These toe socks to go with my toe shoes.

7. A bigger apartment so all my books will fit.

8. A tea pot. (Thanks Grandma!)

9. $1,000,000 in small bills.

10. A record player.

11. Coordination and/or gracefulness.

12. Matthew Gray Gubler.

13. A pair of 5 lb. free weights. (Thanks Gretchen!)

14. A soul mate.

15. Some of those weird pills that swap your taste buds around so sour things taste sweet. 

16. Andy Warhol wall art.  Framed, canvas print, etc.

17. A teacup pig.

18. The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories: Volume 2 (Thanks Toby!)

19. A few floating bookshelves.

20.  UO Dot Leaves Duvet Cover full / queen size.

21.  Reclaimed Card Catalog Organizer Cabinet

22.  Reclaimed Wood Card Catalog Shelf

23.  Little Boxes Wall Organizer

24.  Tiered Teak Shelf (Thanks Nikita!)

25. Elements 8-Inch/10-Inch/12-Inch Ceramic Candlestands, Purple (Thanks total lack of self control!)

26. Any of the following grown-up bags:

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I work out?

I’m currently attempting to make healthier life choices.  Since it seems like a thing lots of blogs do I thought I’d do a post about some of my favorite songs to work out to.  I like to think it’s a good mix of new, old, and interesting.  Much like Barney Stinsons’s “Get Psyched” mix, my work out music is basically all upbeat.  Enjoy.

1. Out of My Mind - B.o.B ft. Nicki Minaj
2. You’re Gonna Go Far Kid – The Offspring
3. Sexyback – Justin Timberlake
4. Blow – Ke$ha
5. The Fame – Lady Gaga
6. Rock Your Body – Justin Timberlake
7. Erase Me – Kid Kudi ft. Kanye West
8. Animal Baby – Alex Winston (Could not find it on youtube, sorry!)
9. Starry Eyed – Ellie Goulding
10. Turn Me On – David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj
11. Kill Your Heroes – AWOLNATION
12. Sugarcoat – Breaking Benjamin
13. Moan – Cute Is What We Aim For
14. Stricken – Disturbed
15. One of the Boys – Katy Perry
16. Broken Hearts – Kito & Reija Lee
17. Just a Girl – No Doubt
18. My Medicine – The Pretty Reckless
19. Savior – Rise Against
20. All the Things She Said – T.A.T.U. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My Amazon Addiction OR Why I Hate Paying Shipping Costs

Hello, my name is Kyley and I am addicted to online shopping.

But seriously, I think I might have a problem.  I’m blaming it (primarily) on my Amazon prime account.  If you don’t have an Amazon prime account you may not be able to imagine how much stronger the temptation to buy things is.  You basically NEVER have to pay shipping.  No shipping!  It’s so easy to just click, buy, and in two days someone BRINGS IT TO YOUR FRONT DOOR.

Pretty typical cart size.  But not really.  I'm not there yet. 
It’s freaking unprecedented!  I’m not even bothered to minimize my number of orders because it literally does not matter!  The only good things I can come up with about this whole situation are 1) My Christmas shopping is basically done and I've barely left my apartment.  And 2) I’m more selective about my other online shopping because I go through the internal thought process of, “Why do I have to pay shipping?  I don’t want to pay shipping.  I don’t need this.”

That said, I still have a problem.  I buy way more than the average person does on Amazon.  The people in the leasing office have noticed how often I get packages.  The worst part?  Sometimes the UPS man leaves them at my door.  AKA the leasing office only knows about a portion of my addiction! 

And in case you're wondering what brought on this diatribe, it's that I just bought something on Amazon that was not "prime eligible," meaning I had to pay shipping.  It still cost significantly less than it would have in a store, but I hesitated because of that shipping cost.  I am spoiled.  First. World. Problems.

In other news I’m contemplating just promising my first born to Amazon in exchange for unlimited buying power.  That’s fair, right? 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Alphabetical Advice

So I stumbled across a website of writing prompts this morning and some of them are just great!  For example, I will be tackling the one described in that picture to the right.  I saw it and my mind said, “Challenge accepted!”  Most are sincere but some of my advice may be sarcastic and/or satirical, it’s just my way.

A. Admit when you are wrong.

B. Blame it on the cat.

C. Concentrate on the now.

D. Don’t regret anything that once made you happy.

E. Enunciate when you speak.

F. Flimsy chairs are dangerous.

G. Growing old does not have to mean growing up; remember that.

H. Hold your nose when you do a cannonball.

I. Ignore the awkward itch if you are in public.

J. Juxtapose only when necessary.

K. Kindness is key.

L. Love indiscriminately.

M. Move on when the situation calls for it.

N. Notice the little things.

O. Open your eyes to all the world has to offer.

P. Push your own limits.

Q. Quench your thirst for adventure.

R. Read; anything and everything.

S. Smile at strangers.

T. Tell people how you feel.

U. Understand that people are different.

V. Visit faraway places.

W. Wonder.

X. X-Ray bones you think are broken.

Y. Yearn for something more, don’t get complacent.

Z. Zealously attack life.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

4 Websites I’m In Serious Like With

1. The Bloggess- Oh how I love this blog.  Am I original for being enamored with it?  No, not really.  But I love it nonetheless.  Full of wonderful posts about dead animals and conversations between a man and wife that make me believe in love more than any romance novel ever will, this site brightens my life on a semi-regular basis.

2. I Waste So Much Time – This site is the reason I know all the memes and everything else happening on the internet.  It’s called “I waste so much time” but really, I think it saves me time by packaging all the internet up into a nice little box that I can open at my leisure.

3. Anonymous Doc – I blame my love of this site on the fact that I know over 20 pharmacists.  Anyway, this is a blog written by a medical resident (I think he may be a fellow now) and it details the many wonderful interactions he has with patients and other hospital staff.  You don’t need a lot of medical knowledge to understand most of it either, so don’t be intimidated. 

4. Luckyshirt - He's just funny.  My favorite posts are when he rants about things and the conversations he has with his children.  Also, I told him once on Twitter that we were getting married and he agreed.  Our wedding is going to be in space.  Be jealous.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A Conversation With My Brother

Edited for grammatical correctishness and slight consolidation.  Also, "Tristan" would be my brother.  "Nikita" is our sister.  She's a pharmacist.

Tristan: I shattered the first segment of my finger.

Me: How?

Tristan: Pulled a cart out of the freezer and smashed it between that and the door.  The carts weigh at least 1000lbs.

Me: Ouch.  So is it like flat now?

Tristan: It hurts but I still worked the entire rest of the day.  No just like bent.

Me: Nikita wants to know if you're going to the Dr.  She says if the bone is broken you need to.  She says you could get nerve damage and loose functionality in your finger.  Plus something else bad that I don't understand.

Tristan: No I am not.  It will be fine it moves and hurts like an SOB the nerves are fine I wish they were damaged.

Me: You probably should go.  You have insurance.

Tristan: Yeah, no thanks.  I don’t need to go through that.  It’s a pinky if it gets messed up I will have them cut it off no biggie.

Me: Poor life choice.  Think of all the pinky swears you won't be able to do!

Tristan: Well that’s why god gave us two.

Me: Seems risky.

Tristan: Meh it looks like the bone will set and heal itself fine the tip will be a little askew but that’s something I can live with as long as the knuckle is still functional and it is.

Me: I mean you could get it paid for with workman’s comp probably?  The other thing Nikita was telling me about sounded bad.

Tristan: Yeah no, I work in a butcher shop if you are not missing a limb you suck it up and keep working.

Me:  I suppose your boss could cut it off if need be... “filet a tris.”

Tristan: Actually it would be more like a flat iron steak emphasis on flat lol.

Me: This is all going on my blog...

Monday, October 29, 2012

My Weirdish Childhood

In talking with a coworker about how much she has to pay for childcare in the city I had a series of strange realizations.  Before I go on though I should state that for an in-home daycare she’s paying $150 a week per child and that’s considered cheap.

So, REALIZATION NUMBER ONE: I realized that the one thing that might make me move back north when I have kids is the cost of childcare.  I say this because I know when I was a kid we had an Amish babysitter for all three of us.  And I can almost guarantee that my mom didn't spend $25,000 a year on our babysitter.     

Then I started thinking about when we were at the Amish babysitter’s house.  She used to feed us.  Like we ate meals with the whole family on several occasions.  Enough so that my sister and I formulated a hypothesis about Amish chickens laying better eggs because they somehow stayed warmer longer.  In hindsight I suspect some sort of heating plate was involved but at the time it seemed pretty stinking magical. 

And speaking of eggs, that means we were there for breakfast.  My mom always worked early but we also slept at the babysitters some nights.  I know this because I have memories of poor ADD child Kyley hating evening prayer because it was really long and all in gibberish (Dutch actually) so I just sat there waiting for it to be over.

Totally normal.  Also, those horses are giant! 
All this leads me to REALIZATION NUMBER TWO: My childhood was sort of weird.  I have memories of learning how to sit on a one legged stool, learning to milk a cow, using an engineless lawnmower, and sitting in a giant garden watching my brother eat soil.  I had dolls with no faces and took buggy rides.  I chased chickens on more than one occasion and remember being terrified the first time I collected eggs.  And perhaps best of all, all of this was often done in multi-colored shiny spandex pants with matching t-shirts. 

Honestly, I don’t even know. 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Some New(ish) Obsessions

1. Lana Del Rey.  I didn't like her on SNL but damn it if she has not grown on me.  Seriously, listen to some of her music; once you get past the fact that it’s all a little dirge-y you’ll see that it’s also startlingly lovely.

2. My Camelbak water bottle.  This thing is awesome.  Enough said.

Duckpin Bowling
3. Duckpin bowling!  There is a place downtown (it’s like the only place in the Midwest I think) and it is ridiculously fun.  For those of you who may not know, duckpin bowling is basically bowling but miniature.  The pins are smaller, the balls are smaller, and you get to wear your own shoes.

4. Pretzel sticks.  They are delicious!

5. Baby Lips chap stick.  It comes in a few colors but I love the clear and peachy ones.  It’ll make your lips feel awesome.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

An Email I Wrote to My Sister


So I tried to call your work phone this morning and you didn't answer (I'm guessing you were on rounds). I heard this news report on the radio about a 23-year-old nursing student studying in Brazil who was just indicted for involuntary manslaughter. How did she accidentally kill the 80-year-old man you ask? By successfully administering a new IV... full of coffee.

What the hell, right? Like people are talking about this and saying things like "So see, coffee kills!" And all I can think about is why in the world there was an IV bag full of coffee?! Plus aren't most IV liquids NOT dark brown? I'm just flabbergasted.

All I can come up with is that someone is actually working on our idea of an IV of caffeine.  Maybe chocolate will be next?   

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A Day in the Life: Sometimes I Have Really Childish Ideas

But oh the possibilities! 
So I work with a lot of the sister / daughter / subsidiary companies of the main one I work for.  Most times I really enjoy it because it keeps things fresh.  Sometimes I don't though.  For example, when working with one today I literally thought to myself "I should just go throw eggs at them."

What is that?  That is an absurd thing to think.  I have no business contemplating pelting anyone or anything with prepubescent poultry.

I really wonder about myself sometimes.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Last Friday Night...

On Friday night I was the designated driver when a friend and I went to a show at the Monkey’s Tail in Broadripple.  For those of you who may not know, there is a back alley sort of place where you can occasionally find parking.  I had turned into it and was going to drive down but was stopped by another vehicle that had pulled halfway into the third spot.  This was supremely annoying so I decided to honk my horn.

A couple weeks ago my dad and grandma came down to visit and to exchange my old car for my brother’s old car.  His is a few years newer than mine and has better tires so it will better get me through the winter.  Additionally, it had been taken away from him because of his refusal to join the rest of us in being functional members of society so it was not really being used.  That said, I now drive a new car.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...
I push the center of the steering wheel but nothing happens.  I try again to no avail.  My friend suggests that there might be a button as opposed to it just being in the center of the wheel.  I turn on a light to look and see that no, the horn is exactly where it should be, it’s just not working.  At this point there are more cars behind me and I really need to make this other vehicle move.  I decide I will try hitting the panic button once and then turn it off really quickly.  Before I can even do that though my car explodes with noise.  The horn is going off and I’m not even touching anything.  And the best part, I can’t make it stop!  It just keeps going, a loud and unfaltering blast of horn.

On the plus side the car finally pulls up and I’m able to get around them.  I pull up into a bank lot and turn off my car.  The horn doesn’t stop.  I re-start the car.  The horn doesn’t stop.  I turn it off again.  THE HORN WILL NOT STOP.

My friend is basically worse than useless at this point because she is absolutely losing it.  In her defense, it was somewhat hysterical.  In another fit of desperation I think of the panic button.  “Maybe,” I think, “If I push the panic button then it will start going off and the horn will have to stop and then I can turn off the panic!”  But once more, before I can even touch the button the horn stops.  Then everything was quiet.  I kind of imagine that’s what it feels like after a tornado goes by your house and then everything just gets still.  Then I panic.

“Oh my gosh,” I say, “I’ve got to go back and apologize to those people!”

I jump out of the car and run back to where the people had parked hoping against hope that they are not some giant Italian mob men or something.  I get there and two women are getting out of their vehicle.

“I’m so sorry!” I say, “It was my brother’s car and I’d never used the horn and it was just supposed to be a short honk but it got stuck and I’m sorry and it wouldn’t stop!”  All of this said half laughing.  And while I’m saying this they’re saying “Oh my god, we were like ‘We’re moving! We’re moving! Ahh!’ (with exaggerated hand motions) Thanks for coming back to tell us, that’s hilarious.”

I get back to my car and my friend is still laughing somewhat uncontrollably.  I put the car in drive and start pulling out of the bank.  “So," I say "Remember that one time when my horn went off for like a full minute?”

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

My Inbound 2012 / Boston Experience

So I did the post of select quotes from my first business trip, but I never really said how it went.  For those of you who may not know, last week work sent me to Boston for a few days for the Inbound 2012 marketing conference.  It was a 3 day event where I got to meet a ton of other marketing people, attend some workshops about how to improve my company’s marketing efforts, and see Cyndi Lauper sing the blues (she’s quite good, actually).

My first flight left on Monday afternoon and took me to DC where I was supposed to have a short layover.  I got to see the Washington Monument from the sky when we landed which was absolutely amazing!  Sadly I was so flabbergasted by it that I didn’t think to take a photo.  We got in about 15 minutes late and I was kind of concerned about missing my next flight.
Aside: I urge you to keep in mind that this was only the second time I had ever flown in my life and the first time I’d ever done so alone.  I was pretty nervous about the whole thing honestly.

Luckily for me, my next flight ended up being about two hours late.  No but really, two hours.  That’s not the best part though, the kicker was that they literally had us change gates six times.  We went back and forth between gates 38 and 44 six times!  It was moderately absurd.

I did eventually get to Boston though.  For the first two days I basically stayed in the hotel / conference center.  The second day I met a girl who was about my age and ended up getting dinner with her, it was great because I didn’t have to be that awkward kid eating alone out at a restaurant. Win!  What was most interesting though was that she talked even faster than I do (which is pretty impressive, honestly).

My third night in town I got to explore with a friend of mine who lives in Boston.  I didn’t have time to see much, but I did get to walk through the public gardens and see the statue of Paul Revere and the iconic swan boats.  We also got to go get a super meal (work paid for mine, more winning) and walk around the area.

The trip home was not quite so traumatic, although there was an irate older guy getting off of a plane in Philadelphia, like seriously, like he was yelling at people and refused to calm down, it was insane.  All in all it was a good first trip of my adult / working life.     

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Things Happening in September (About Which I’m Very Excited)

1. Fall weather! The ability to wear sweaters and tights and amazing fall clothes!  Like this skirt that I just got, it's orange and makes me smile! 

2. The new Killers album, Battle Born, due out on September 18th.

3. The movie version of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, September 21st!

4. A large percentage of my favorite shows starting up again!
            4a. How I Met Your Mother – September 24th.
            4b. 2 Broke Girls – September 24th.
            4c. The Big Bang Theory – September 27th.
            4d. Criminal Minds – September 26th.
            4e. Once Upon A Time – September 30th.

5. The New J.K. Rowling book, The Casual Vacancy, out September 27th.

6. The movie The Words, September 7th, it looks kind of awesome.

7. Bruce Willis , Joseph Gordon-Levitt , and Emily Blunt starring in a movie about time travel.  Brought to us from the same filmmaker mind responsible for The Brothers Bloom, Looper, September 28th.

I'm excited, it should be a good month!  Although it's mostly focused around the end of the month... What can you do? 

**UPDATE 9-7**

8. Libba Bray also has a new book coming out on the 18th of this month!  

Friday, August 31, 2012

My Theory about J.K. Rowling’s New Book

 So the description of the book reads:

“When Barry Fairbrother dies unexpectedly in his early forties, the little town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…. Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the town’s council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity and unexpected revelations?”

Here’s what I’m thinking, everything after the “When Barry Fairbrother dies unexpectedly in his early forties,” is unimportant.  It’s that line that clues us in to the real story.  Obviously, he died via magical causes!  I mean, just look at the cover!  If that "x" mark isn't two crossed wands then I don't know what is!  We all know Harry and Ron are aurors now.  Clearly, this is going to be a sort of Potteresque / CSI kind of investigation book!  Yup, calling it right now, that’s what’s happening.

All joking aside, I'm super stoked for this book, I'm certain it will be spectacular. 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Things I Learned at Inbound 2012

“Before Mark Zuckerburg was even born, the Grateful Dead were doing inbound marketing.” - Brian Halligan

"More people in the world have mobile phones than have toothbrushes." - David Scott

"There is an app that will tell you where the nearest toilet is and whether it is a 'sit or squat' kind of toilet.” - David Scott

"It’s okay to make an online dating profile when you’re married as long as it’s for science." - Rand Fishkin 

“Statistically, photos of kittens trump puppies, babies trump kittens, and your baby trumps all.” - Dharmesh Shah 
"With email, as with love, experimentation keeps things fresh!” - Amanda Igelsias

"As much as you think you give a fuck, you don't." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Every 48 hours mankind creates the same amount of information as he did during the years from the beginning of time to 2003." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Even the most dedicate person is doing 20% dumb shit." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Hashtag chats are like the Kiwanis Clubs of the future." - Laura Fitton

People on the East Coast are kind of jerks, yeah, I'm talking about you chick who scowled at me for tapping her shoulder and saying "excuse me" because you were managing to dominate the entire walkway and I needed to get through.