A Conversation With My Brother

Edited for grammatical correctishness and slight consolidation.  Also, "Tristan" would be my brother.  "Nikita" is our sister.  She's a pharmacist.

Tristan: I shattered the first segment of my finger.

Me: How?

Tristan: Pulled a cart out of the freezer and smashed it between that and the door.  The carts weigh at least 1000lbs.

Me: Ouch.  So is it like flat now?

Tristan: It hurts but I still worked the entire rest of the day.  No just like bent.

Me: Nikita wants to know if you're going to the Dr.  She says if the bone is broken you need to.  She says you could get nerve damage and loose functionality in your finger.  Plus something else bad that I don't understand.

Tristan: No I am not.  It will be fine it moves and hurts like an SOB the nerves are fine I wish they were damaged.

Me: You probably should go.  You have insurance.

Tristan: Yeah, no thanks.  I don’t need to go through that.  It’s a pinky if it gets messed up I will have them cut it off no biggie.

Me: Poor life choice.  Think of all the pinky swears you won't be able to do!

Tristan: Well that’s why god gave us two.

Me: Seems risky.

Tristan: Meh it looks like the bone will set and heal itself fine the tip will be a little askew but that’s something I can live with as long as the knuckle is still functional and it is.

Me: I mean you could get it paid for with workman’s comp probably?  The other thing Nikita was telling me about sounded bad.

Tristan: Yeah no, I work in a butcher shop if you are not missing a limb you suck it up and keep working.

Me:  I suppose your boss could cut it off if need be... “filet a tris.”

Tristan: Actually it would be more like a flat iron steak emphasis on flat lol.

Me: This is all going on my blog...

My Weirdish Childhood

In talking with a coworker about how much she has to pay for childcare in the city I had a series of strange realizations.  Before I go on though I should state that for an in-home daycare she’s paying $150 a week per child and that’s considered cheap.

So, REALIZATION NUMBER ONE: I realized that the one thing that might make me move back north when I have kids is the cost of childcare.  I say this because I know when I was a kid we had an Amish babysitter for all three of us.  And I can almost guarantee that my mom didn't spend $25,000 a year on our babysitter.     

Then I started thinking about when we were at the Amish babysitter’s house.  She used to feed us.  Like we ate meals with the whole family on several occasions.  Enough so that my sister and I formulated a hypothesis about Amish chickens laying better eggs because they somehow stayed warmer longer.  In hindsight I suspect some sort of heating plate was involved but at the time it seemed pretty stinking magical. 

And speaking of eggs, that means we were there for breakfast.  My mom always worked early but we also slept at the babysitters some nights.  I know this because I have memories of poor ADD child Kyley hating evening prayer because it was really long and all in gibberish (Dutch actually) so I just sat there waiting for it to be over.

Totally normal.  Also, those horses are giant! 

All this leads me to REALIZATION NUMBER TWO: My childhood was sort of weird.  I have memories of learning how to sit on a one legged stool, learning to milk a cow, using an engineless lawnmower, and sitting in a giant garden watching my brother eat soil.  I had dolls with no faces and took buggy rides.  I chased chickens on more than one occasion and remember being terrified the first time I collected eggs.  And perhaps best of all, all of this was often done in multi-colored shiny spandex pants with matching t-shirts. 

Honestly, I don’t even know. 

Some New(ish) Obsessions

1. Lana Del Rey.  I didn't like her on SNL but damn it if she has not grown on me.  Seriously, listen to some of her music; once you get past the fact that it’s all a little dirge-y you’ll see that it’s also startlingly lovely.

2. My Camelbak water bottle.  This thing is awesome.  Enough said.

Duckpin Bowling

3. Duckpin bowling!  There is a place downtown (it’s like the only place in the Midwest I think) and it is ridiculously fun.  For those of you who may not know, duckpin bowling is basically bowling but miniature.  The pins are smaller, the balls are smaller, and you get to wear your own shoes.

4. Pretzel sticks.  They are delicious!

5. Baby Lips chap stick.  It comes in a few colors but I love the clear and peachy ones.  It’ll make your lips feel awesome.

  

An Email I Wrote to My Sister

Hey!

So I tried to call your work phone this morning and you didn't answer (I'm guessing you were on rounds). I heard this news report on the radio about a 23-year-old nursing student studying in Brazil who was just indicted for involuntary manslaughter. How did she accidentally kill the 80-year-old man you ask? By successfully administering a new IV... full of coffee.

What the hell, right? Like people are talking about this and saying things like "So see, coffee kills!" And all I can think about is why in the world there was an IV bag full of coffee?! Plus aren't most IV liquids NOT dark brown? I'm just flabbergasted.


All I can come up with is that someone is actually working on our idea of an IV of caffeine.  Maybe chocolate will be next?   

A Day in the Life: Sometimes I Have Really Childish Ideas

But oh the possibilities! 

So I work with a lot of the sister / daughter / subsidiary companies of the main one I work for.  Most times I really enjoy it because it keeps things fresh.  Sometimes I don't though.  For example, when working with one today I literally thought to myself "I should just go throw eggs at them."

What is that?  That is an absurd thing to think.  I have no business contemplating pelting anyone or anything with prepubescent poultry.

I really wonder about myself sometimes.