Friday, August 31, 2012

My Theory about J.K. Rowling’s New Book

 So the description of the book reads:

“When Barry Fairbrother dies unexpectedly in his early forties, the little town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…. Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the town’s council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity and unexpected revelations?”

Here’s what I’m thinking, everything after the “When Barry Fairbrother dies unexpectedly in his early forties,” is unimportant.  It’s that line that clues us in to the real story.  Obviously, he died via magical causes!  I mean, just look at the cover!  If that "x" mark isn't two crossed wands then I don't know what is!  We all know Harry and Ron are aurors now.  Clearly, this is going to be a sort of Potteresque / CSI kind of investigation book!  Yup, calling it right now, that’s what’s happening.

All joking aside, I'm super stoked for this book, I'm certain it will be spectacular. 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Things I Learned at Inbound 2012

“Before Mark Zuckerburg was even born, the Grateful Dead were doing inbound marketing.” - Brian Halligan

"More people in the world have mobile phones than have toothbrushes." - David Scott

"There is an app that will tell you where the nearest toilet is and whether it is a 'sit or squat' kind of toilet.” - David Scott

"It’s okay to make an online dating profile when you’re married as long as it’s for science." - Rand Fishkin 

“Statistically, photos of kittens trump puppies, babies trump kittens, and your baby trumps all.” - Dharmesh Shah 
"With email, as with love, experimentation keeps things fresh!” - Amanda Igelsias

"As much as you think you give a fuck, you don't." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Every 48 hours mankind creates the same amount of information as he did during the years from the beginning of time to 2003." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Even the most dedicate person is doing 20% dumb shit." - Gary Vaynerchuk

"Hashtag chats are like the Kiwanis Clubs of the future." - Laura Fitton

People on the East Coast are kind of jerks, yeah, I'm talking about you chick who scowled at me for tapping her shoulder and saying "excuse me" because you were managing to dominate the entire walkway and I needed to get through. 

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Day in the Life : The "Broken" Escalator

They needed one of these bad boys!
There are a lot of escalators at the conference I'm at.  It amazes me to see people wait in the line for the escalator when there are stairs literally 20 feet away.  That said, I've been stairs-ing it up today.

Just now though I came out of a meeting and was shocked to find a long line in front of the stairs!  At first I thought I was an uber trend setter or that the entire conference had just gone on a miraculous health kick!

Not the case.

I pass the escalator and see a security guard standing in front of it directing people to the stairs and saying, "The escalator is broken, stairs and elevator are that way."


I don't think the security guard A. Has ever listened to Mitch Hedberg or B. Understands the minimal implications of a broken escalator.  I understand that the dimensions are not exactly the same, but broken escalators are basically stairs.  I'm just saying.

Monday, August 27, 2012

A Day In the Life : Room Service

Conversation I just had with room service at the hotel I'm staying at for work.

Room Service Guy: How can I help you?
Me: Can I order from the kids menu if I'm not a kid?
Room Service Guy: We can't possibly know if you're not a kid.
Me: Excellent, consider me a child, I'll take the chicken bites and fries.
Room Service Guy: We'll be there in 20 minutes.

I almost feel bad for impersonating a child lol but c'est la vie.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Classes Start at Butler Today

And I am not there.  I don't even know how to handle this.  So much sadness.  I don't want to be graduated anymore, I just want to run away back to college and stay there forever and ever.  Why can't I be one of those kids that takes five years to graduate?  Except for the fact that my scholarship ended after four...I think I'm Butler sick.

Because I miss it and because I love making lists, my top ten favorite things about my alma mater were / are:

1. All the crazy amazing people I met while I was there.

2. Going to parties in AV, it was brilliant because home was like right there if I wanted to leave.

3. Climbing through windows and onto the roofs of the academic buildings.

4. Blue II and Trip.

5. The no skateboarding sign that someone covered in skating stickers.

6. Late night fountain hopping, including the time we did a soul train in star fountain.

7. Feeling like I lived in a giant playground.

8. Pretending Jordan at night was basically Hogwarts.

9. Late nights at Jordan, wheely chairs down the ramps, stealing movie posters, and being way too loud but not caring because literally no one else was there.

10. Just the feeling of being at Butler, it was home for 4 years of my life and I would not trade that time for anything.


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Things that are Currently Freaking Me Out

 1. My sister lives like forever away.  She moved to Columbus a few months ago and I finally got to visit last weekend.  So far I’m not a fan of this whole distance situation.

2. One of my best friends is in Germany.  I miss her.  Germany is even harder to visit in a weekend than Columbus is.  It seriously taxes my teleportation skills.  (I’ve yet to manage actually getting there)

3. Students are back at Butler and I’m not among them.  This is a big one.  I keep seeing tweets and facebook statuses about new bulldogs and being back in school and all I want to do is run back and live there forever.

4. EVERYONE is getting engaged / married / pregnant.  I can’t even think about this one for too long without feeling ancient.

5. I’m running out of space on my bookshelves and I own 5 of them.  This might be a problem.

6. Sometimes when I see cute babies I find myself thinking “Ooo, I want one.”  Again, this is one I really can’t think about for too long or I just totally flip.  I know I don’t actually want one but there is this hardwiring in my head (in the part that knows at one point in time I’d have been married and having kids by the time I was like 15) that makes me think these things!

7. I think my car is nearing the end of its life with me.  I’ve been driving it since I got my license and it seems super bizarre to get something new.

8. And last but not least, the realization that I am probably a grown-up / real life adult.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Things that Exist

Sometimes in my life travels I come across things that are just amazing.  Like the mere fact that they exist makes the sky a little bluer, the air a little cleaner, etc.  Other times I encounter things that make the world dark and filled with sadness and confusion.  So today I have two lists for you, hopefully they will balance each other out!

Amazing Things / Things I Will Someday Buy for a White Elephant Gift Exchange:

1. The Sharkbanana – Yes, you read that right.  An epic hybrid between shark and banana.  And the best part?  You can have one of your very own for as little as $12.95!

2. The Rubber Chicken Purse – Enough said.

3. The Banana Slicer – No more will you have to struggle to slice your bananas!  With the banana slicer all the work is done for you.  Clearly this is a vital kitchen tool and I plan to buy at least 4 of them.

4. The Chumbuddy – I actually really want one of these.  It’s a sleeping bag that looks like a shark, I think it’s awesome.

Things That Hurt My Soul

1. Jalapeño Bagels – They are all the time infecting my blueberry ones!  People bring bagels into work and it’s awesome but then I bite into mine and taste that it has been tainted by the jalapeño!  Jalapeños are not a breakfast food, dang it!

2.  White Socks – I never wear them, my socks are always colorful and amazing.  Often times they don’t even match.

4. Diet Caffeine Free Soda – Really? What’s even the point of that? 

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

HHW Day or How I Ended My Eight Year Winning Streak Against the Sun

Last weekend I ventured back to my alma mater to work my very first household hazardous waste day.  For those of you who do not know what that is, it is basically an event where people from all around the city can come and drop off any hazardous wastes they may have and feel assured in the fact that they will be disposed of properly.  Pretty cool things actually!

As some of you may know, I work for a waste treatment company so it makes sense that we would have a role in these HHW days.  Nothing really funny happened that day but I did get a photo of myself in steel toed boots, a hazmat suit, protective gloves, and safety goggles so that’s really the point of this post.

Also, I got sunburnt, it’s a long story.  Until this weekend I’m pretty sure I hadn’t been sunburnt in like 8 years.  I want to say it was a trip to Cedar Point my freshman year of high school.  Bummer day.