Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Levels of Hipsterism

My sister thinks I am a hipster, she tells me so on a semi regular basis. I do not think I am a hipster, I tell her so on about the same time frame. All of this aside, the other day we were discussing hipsterism and how it effects our lives. We came to the conclusion that our little brother is probably a hipster, that I exhibit some hipsteresque qualities, and that Nikita is a scientist observing hipsters in their natural environment. She came up with a pseudo-list of qualifications.

For starters, it is important to note that if you are so hipster that you actively identify yourself as a hipster, you’ve gone too far and your lifestyle is no longer ironic. You have reached hipster burnout. This is a place you never want to be.

If you don’t need to wear glasses but you own one pair of thick black frames you’re okay. If you own three or more pairs of thick black frames, you’re a hipster.

If you buy all of your groceries at places like Whole Foods, Fresh Market, or Trader Joe’s, you’re a hipster. Supplementing basic groceries with items from these stores however does not qualify you.

Shopping at the grocery stores listed above leads you to our next hipster realization. You most likely don’t even eat the food you pay so much for. It is way more ironic if you pay too much and then donate the food to starving children. Even better though, if you donate the food to obese children! So much more ironic.

Hipsters have a rather distinct fashion sense. Nikita and I decided that this is not a choice. Rather, they spend so much money on their whole foods that they cannot afford to buy new clothes so they shop at secondhand stores. This is a totally acceptable thing to do! You have gone too far however, when you begin buying new clothes, throwing them away, and then going through the dump to “re-discover” them a few days later.

Lastly, my sister and I both blog (if you're reading this than clearly you know I do but I digress). We have decided blogging is fine, but if blogging is your main form of communication and/or social interaction, you guessed it, hipster.

This is my sisters blog, it talks about pharmacyness, sometimes it's funny but sometimes it's not:

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Reasons I’m Not Studying:

1. It’s more fun to watch cartoons.

2. I suspect a direct correlation between the time I spend studying and the number of kittens that are sick in the world.

3. Because I’m thinking of an answer for when people ask me about the above suspected correlation.

4. Because my room needed to be cleaned…then when that was done it made me realize how shabby my closet looked… and my desk……

5. As it is clusters week, I believe that the total study time allocated for 745 is being hyper utilized, so I am holding off in order to save resources.

6. Because I really needed to re-organize all of my stuff.

7. Because it was vital that I watch an entire season of the big bang theory.

8. Because I fear I will become too smart and alienate those around me with my superior intellect.

9. Because in 5 years, it probably won’t matter whether or not I study.

10. Because I fear a paper cut.

11. Because my hunger strike for world peace came to an abrupt end when I got really hungry so I decided to fast from studying instead. It’s for the greater good.

12. Because I just really, really, really… don’t want to.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Stop Pimping Out the Intern

Update, work is getting crazy. I’m currently working on two and a half out of department projects as well as a few dealing with marketing. This being said, I’ve drawn a connection between being an intern and being a hooker. Now don’t think about that too much or you’ll wander into a realm I want you to STAY AWAY from. There is nothing illicit happening at my internship! However…

If we think in terms of time and how a pimp arranges things for the hookers he manages, I’m totally under the power of an internship pimp! I have so many different people from tons of different departments coming and asking me for help on projects. Don’t get me wrong, I like being busy and I like the things I’m doing, but I find the situation comical.

I may need to pull a Pretty Woman and remind my boss that, “I say who, I say when, I say how much!” Oh wait… the intern gets to say none of those things… clearly intern is fancy name for business prostitute (not to be confused with a geisha).

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Dear Twain Printing Jerkface,

We are not friends. You know who you are. You’re the only other senior in this class. And still, we are not friends. I want to ask you a question, why did you feel that it was appropriate to print the entire works of Mark Twain to the lab printer that only prints one sided? It’s bad enough that you are printing upwards of fifty pages that you could probably buy for $4.99 on Amazon Classics but you have to do so on a slow lab printer that does not have the ability to print on both sides of the page? I mean what kind of tree hating sadist are you?

Now I’m stuck sitting here (you’re already gone which leads me to believe that the last 30 or so pages of your tree killing massacre will just get thrown out) waiting for my papers to print after yours because I don’t want to go print them again somewhere else. Do you know what I could be doing right now? Eating for starters! I do not have time to do so on days like this because I come straight from work. I would have loved to go get some nourishment, but no, I’m stuck here, listening to your stuff print off. Hoping against hope that the printer can get to mine before I have to leave for my next class.

I know you’ll probably never read this, but I simply don’t care. I’ve got nothing better to do while I sit in this cold empty lab than write this letter to you. I hope you're happy, evil printing person. Additionally, I hope karma bites you in the butt!


Your New Nemesis