Friday, May 24, 2013

I'm Sorry, Someone Needed To Say It.

Okay friendly types, we need to have a talk.  What I’m about to say may be the most controversial post I’ve ever written.  And that includes the one I wrote about sucking at feminism.  Potential controversy aside, it is something that begs to be said.  Okay, brace yourself, here it comes…

Bacon does not belong on everything.

I’m sorry, I know this may come as a blow to some of you.  It’s bacon, right?  What could be bad?  I’m glad you asked.  I’ve seen bacon themed items and recipes popping up all over and for a while I was able to handle it.  Bacon cupcake, okay, fine, kind of kitschy, we’ll let that go.  Bacon candle, we’re approaching unnecessary bacon-age here but I’ll ignore.  But today went too far.  They’d already bacon bastardized cupcakes, but this was just too much.  I mean, at least cupcakes are already unhealthy; they didn’t need to do this.  It didn’t need to happen.

What. The. Frack?

There is no reason for that!  Corn on the cob is delicious all on its own!  It in no way needs bacon.  In fact, I firmly believe the bacon would serve as a detriment to the pure deliciousness of the corn!  Anyway, I just needed to say something.  And in case you’re still unconvinced about the bacon pandemic, see the photos below.

Yes you read that right, bacon bandages.
This didn't need to happen!

Bacon shoes because, you know. 

In case you're not attracting enough meat eating animals.

Not cute.

No. Just no.

Monday, May 20, 2013

You Can Call Me Peter Pan...

What up, future textbook?

Because apparently I’m never growing up.

In the spring of 2012 I graduated with my marketing degree from Butler.  If you’d asked anyone then they could have told you I was pretty emphatic about not going back to school.  I was done, over it, I’d bought several t-shirts and I was ready to move on from my academia days.

So that lasted for about a year.  Clearly, conviction is not one of my strong points.

That said, I’m starting at Ivy Tech next month!  The plan is to get an associate’s degree in graphic design.  Will it be as intense as Butler?  I’m really thinking not.  I do think it will be fun though!  I’ll be taking it slow; probably just one class each semester.  And the best part… work is covering basically all of it!

So that’s what’s happening in my life, just thought I’d fill you in. : ]

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Adventures in Online Dating

So I do online dating. If you’ve ever heard of the site OkCupid, I’m on there. Some of the guys seem like genuinely nice people. Some of them seem like total weirdos. Obviously, I chose to illustrate the weirdo percentage. Read on for some of my favorite messages of the past few months.

“Hi there, I was just wondering if you'd be interested in a Finnish boyfriend? I know that's a straightforward question, but I don't mean that you and I should become a couple right on this very second, I'm just asking if you're open to the idea of a long distance relationship :)” (Nothing better than a boyfriend I’ll probably never meet!)

“Hi the names dylan. Im not saying i'm batman or anything but we've never been in the same room together. I'll let you decide if i am or not lol” (You’re just setting yourself up for trouble here, everyone knows you don’t reveal your alter ego that quickly.)

“Sorry. Youre the first person I grabbed. Guys keep visiting my profile. Does it say Im looking for a man?” (Sounds like a personal problem, dude)

“Hi, you look good.
Do you date dominant/traditonal type men?
Do you have a instant messenger to talk further?
Hope to hear from you” (“You look good” is the new winning compliment of 2013. Spread the word.)

“Hey my name is Bryan I grow medical marijuana and very passionate about it. I always wanted a job that gives me freedom and pays well. I also work in banking right now to show paper income. I also follow a religion Rastafari and seek jah. I don't force religion on anyone just letting you know what I'm passionate about. I can explain more about my religion or growing marijuana.” (The scary part is that I have an 86% match rate with this one.)

“Wow look. You are way to beautiful to be needing the internet to find guys! What's that all about?” (Umm… thanks?)

Obviously I attract the crème de la crème.  I can easily see this becoming a regular thing on my blog.  Winningggg.