Monday, December 21, 2015

Unpopular Opinions

Whether you are a “hipster,” a “basic bitch,” or anything in between, you likely have a few things that the masses seem to love and about which you simply do not care. Perhaps you even actively dislike the things. I have found that I have several of these things; due to the number, I’ve decided to utilize the umbrella term “unpopular opinions.” These are mine.

1. BeyoncĂ©. Though I, like many 90’s-00’s girls, loved me some Destiny’s Child, I cannot figure out the obsession with BeyoncĂ©. Why do people think she’s so great? Am I missing something? Is her music really so good that it justified Kanye’s VMA antics? Why does she have an alter ego? I’m just at a loss. I’ll take Sia.

2. Wine. To quote Sheldon Cooper, it’s just “grape juice that burns.” I’ve tried many. I’ve liked none.

3. Body positivity extending to the level of celebrating people who are morbidly obese. I get that we want to encourage people to be comfortable in their own skin and I generally think that's a good idea but these “role models” like Tess Holliday are not okay. Being morbidly obese is not okay. There is a definite difference between a healthy plus sized body and a body that is carrying hundreds of extra pounds of fat. It’s unhealthy and it’s a bad example.

4. I’m with Tina Fey on this one. While I think it is important to be inclusive and to not go out of your way to be offensive I think the culture of apologizing is getting out of hand. The idea that nobody should ever have their feeling hurt is just madness. People are going to disagree. People are going to think different things. People are going to make jokes and / or decisions that we don’t agree with. But that does not mean we should waste time demanding apologies. There are much larger issues to worry about than the race of an actor or actress.

5. “Ship” names. Please. For the love of god, please. Can we stop merging together the names of those in a couple? Does it really take that much longer to say Brad and Angelina? Is it that hard? No. The answer is no.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Things That Annoy Me More Than They Probably Should

1. Slow walkers. I’m not saying I’m the fastest (I have short legs, cut me some slack) but when I get stuck behind a group of people moseying along while taking up the whole walkway I find it infuriating.

2. When radio DJs interrupt the end of a song with their nonsense. More annoying yet if they are singing in some obnoxious voice. I want to hear the song. The whole song. Not your jibber jabber cutting into the end. I can’t even explain how much I hate this.

3. Misplaced tiles. Like in a floor pattern. So bad.

4. People changing the formatting of something I’ve created. Especially if it’s something I use to keep me organized. If I’ve created a system I’ve done so for a reason. I don’t need someone going in and trucking it all up.

5. People who don’t use the oxford comma. It helps to clarify things and takes literally one second to add. Just use the damn thing.

6. People who use OCD as a flippant descriptor. Unless you have been diagnosed by a medical professional (WebMD does not count) you don't have OCD. Being somewhat anal does not mean you have OCD.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

More Adventures in Online Dating

People are awesome. Also, they really need some basic lessons in grammar.

"Nice smiley, Kylie! Bet that gets some attention :)"
Really, dude? My name is right there.

"Hey baby I want you to call me daddy. Give me your kik please. :)"
No. No that won’t be happening.

"Hi! How are you? I'm Kait. Do you ever come to Bloomington?
May be a long shot but it'd be wise to read my profile. haha Worst case scenario, I get a polite no. lol ;)"
Against my better judgment I did go look at her profile. She said it would be wise. I thought maybe I was going to win something. I was not. It was a pretty big letdown honestly.

"Hi Ky, i would be interested in having you around, i am laid back, easy to get along, educated, fun and laughter, would love to grab food alongwith you. What do you think!!!"
1. My mom is the only one who gets to call me Ky. 2. How does one become laughter? 3. Please google the difference between a question mark and an exclamation point.

It`s really hard to start conversation with charming lady)
But I`ll try))
It`ll be really interesting to know more about you)"
What’s with the parentheses? Did you just have a stroke?

"you look beautiful inside and out I could see myself getting to know u better and showing u how a woman should be treated... like a princess :)"
How did you see my insides? Gross.

"Your way to pretty to be on this site what makes you wanna be on here just looking for friends or what"
My way too pretty. Also, what am I supposed to do with that? I am “on here” so are you saying I’m misusing my pretty in the real world or what?

"Good evening! I realize we are 1700 miles away but I just wanted to say you seem like an amazing woman and you are beautiful."
I mean, thanks I guess? But why on earth are you looking at my profile in California?

"Hello I don't mean to bother you and I don't mean to flirt and I'm sure you hear it from a lot of guys but I had to stop what I was doing and tell you I think your beautiful"
My beautiful. Also he sent the exact same message on two different days. Do you think he says this to all the girls?

Monday, February 16, 2015

In Honor of Valentine's Day...

I’ve done a post about this once before but in honor of Valentine’s Day having been this last weekend I thought I’d do another. This is just a smattering of the spectacular messages I receive on the regular from the guys on OkCupid.

I have to believe there are also good guys on this site. The ones below are not these guys. And lest we forget, I also get at least 10 views a week from men well over 40. So special.

I considered editing for grammar / punctuation but I thought you should see the messages in their full glory.

“You looking for some valentines day company? Maybe smoke some weed?”
- Quite the romantic, no?

“Hello sexy. But of course you think im just looking for sex like ever other girl on this site. Lol but hey anyway Lol”
- I couldn’t tell you why he called himself a girl.

“Hey Kyley :) how is it going ? I am cool, kind, educated, romantic, good looking , easy going ...”
- Your profile is empty of everything. Including a photo. Sure you are man, sure you are.

“Ey bb u wan sum fuc? (wait, let me go and change my picture and increase my age before you reply)”
- (W…T…F)

“I'm only here for the weekend. Would you sit on my face?”
- I weep for the future of mankind.

“So serious question.....what's your take on jorts?”
- I don’t really know how to process this.

“Hello Mrs Spectatular. You are gorgeous. I love ur pics. How long u been single?”
- That’s not my name. Also, if I were Mrs. Spectacular I wouldn’t be single. I’d be the wife of Mr. Spectacular, duh.

“Hello dear how are you,i must say you look”
- What does that even mean?

“Hi, are you into black guys
Hi, are you into black guys
Hi, are you into black guys”

- 1. He sent this exact message on three different days. 2. This is such a crap question. Don’t bring race into this.

“hey whats up? hows it going? cute pics........nice smile n eyes..........would u wanna get to know each other? how old ru? ru single?”
- I think you should have to prove competence in your dominant language before you’re allowed to make an online dating profile.