Monday, June 4, 2012

Insect Infestation

My world has become moderately unpleasant.  There are far more bugs in it than I find desirable.  Story time!
Last Monday (Memorial Day) I was still not a full-time employee at my company so I went into the office to get my hours.  I had such goals.  I was going to put in my 8 hours.  And then the bugs happened. 

I was sitting at my desk harmlessly filling out paperwork when a small dragon landed on the wall.  I later learned it was a blue mud dauber wasp; see a picture of the beast here!  It was enormous.  I just wanted it gone.  I tried tapping on the other side of the wall; I tried making loud noises, etc.  I just wanted to scare it away; I thought I would be fine if it would just not be directly in front of me.  It would not be deterred. 

So I started looking around the office for some raid or something.  Back story time, I am almost incapable of killing big bugs, I hate getting close to them and it just makes me feel so bad.  Anyway, all I could find was a can of static guard.  You can roll your eyes, in hindsight this story is even more absurd than it seemed at the time (and it seemed pretty darn ridiculous). 

I pick up the can of static guard and think to myself, “Self, you could spray the big bug with this stuff, incapacitate it, and capture it under a glass! Yeah! This is such a good idea!”  Not a good idea.

I spray the bug.  The bug disappears.  It has flown away.  Now I’m just a wreck because I know there is a giant (and likely seriously pissed off) bug on the loose.  I sit back down and proceed to jump every few seconds thinking it has come back for me.  A few minutes later it reappears on my stack of papers.  I jump up and scurry out of my cube.  It climbs off the papers so I pull them away.  I then grab a vase, trap it inside, and put my heavy tape dispenser on top of said vase for good measure.  

I go back to work.  Every few seconds the bug flies into the side of the glass and terrifies me.  About 15 minutes go by and I’m growing accustomed to the clinking noise.  Then I hear something else.  I look over to the wall and see that the noise had been a GIANT millipede falling from the wall.  It scurried away before I could get it.  

And at about that point I was done.  I packed up my things and left.  I’d only been in for an hour.  I stand by my decision though, totally unfit work environment! The bugs are just too ballsy when nobody else is here.

Oh yeah, and the bug I trapped, I had every intention of asking someone to save the next day but when I got in he had died : [ … it was quite depressing.   

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