Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Not About Real Life, Not Even A Little Bit

I just had a sad realization. Before I get into the details, I should say that like most people my age I recognize that the Disney princesses, while pretty awesome, are not the strongest female role models. They all kind of wander around aimlessly until they find their prince and ride off into the sunset, but whatever. This being said, my personal favorite (Belle) is a book reading, prince saving, badass! But my sister’s favorite is so, so, far from awesome; that is what I just realized.

Arial is without a doubt the worst Disney princess; and this is why.

Ariel is a princess in the underwater city of Atlantica. Her dad and sisters clearly care about her and while she does share a room with like seven other people, life seems pretty golden. She gets to swim around all day, sharks seem to stay out of the city limits, and she’s a redhead with no freckles and no opportunity to get a sunburn, she’s got it pretty good. But does she recognize this? Not even a little. Lets take a look at a few of her brilliant acts.

1. For starters, let’s re-establish the fact that she is only 16 years old when her whole story goes down. 16!

2. She’s constantly sneaking out and doing the one thing her dad has asked her not to do. Going to the surface to talk to a seagull and spy on the humans.

3. She’s like the original “Material Girl.” Seriously. I blame her for Paris Hilton. “I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty, I've got whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal, I want more.” I mean seriously, this chick has an entire cavern full of stuff that no other merperson has and she’s still not happy. Come on, your life is not that bad, stop being so angsty.

4. She sees Prince Eric like once and decides she’s in love with him and that it’s worth giving up her home, family, and lifestyle to go try to make him fall for her. Forget getting to know him or anything, that’s just a waste of time. Then her dad finds all this out and yells at her and destroys all her human stuff. You’d think this would have been the end of her little adventure, but no, it’s just the beginning.

5. After she gets punished, instead of, I don’t know, learning her lesson she goes to the evil witch, sells her voice, gets legs, and goes to the surface all without permission, without a realistic plan, and with a fall back plan of being turned into a squiggly worm / seaweed thing if it doesn’t work out up on the surface. Awesome, great plan Ariel, great plan.

She goes on to do some more semi-absurd things but nothing quite so dumb. But then we get to the end and everything works out for her. Sea witch gets killed, daddy gives her legs, and she gets married at 16. I mean really, what’s the moral here?

Ariel < Belle, that’s all I’m saying.

No comments:

Post a Comment