Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Universal Truths as Seen by Me

1. I will never manage to get all of my socks in the same load of laundry.

2. There is no correct way to fold a fitted sheet, just give up; it’s always going to look stupid.

3. Most old cartoons were way better than the new ones.

4. There is a vortex in the bottom of my purse that transports my keys to ridiculous places.

5. The remote is never close enough.

6. The person who finally invents and fully circulates the “sarcasm font,” will be a millionaire.

7. You will always lose the roll of tape before using it up, unless it’s Christmastime.

8. Cutting a sandwich into two triangles makes it taste better than if you had left it a square.

9. Every roof has something bizarre on it. (Frisbee, deflated basketball, etc.)

10. There is definitely a clause in one of those Apple Terms of Use Agreements that makes them the owner of your soul.

11. If you read the book first, it’s better than the movie. Always.

12. Nobody knows where all the metal coat hangers came from.

13. Car washes will always be fun.

14. Automatic toilets only work 50% of the time.

15. I have no idea why I constantly type the word “suck” when I mean “such.” (Note: I just did it while trying to write the word such.)

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