Why yes, I am a senior…

Well, I started off my last first day of school strong this morning.

Lets backtrack, about two weeks ago I got overzealous and made up my schedule one day when things were slow at work. It was all color coded and spectacular and had all my classes, their names, the professors, and perhaps most importantly, their locations.

Then this morning I walk to campus, I’m feeling pretty good, chipper. I go to HB235 where my class is supposed to be and there are people in it. Professors pass and say hello to me. The people in the room leave and we all go in. I realize I recognize basically no one in the room. I turn to the girl next to me and ask what class this is. It’s French. I am so not supposed to be in French class. I leave the room and get out my computer to find that they have moved my class. I am distraught. I scurry to the correct room and walk in.

“I printed my schedule too soon,” I say, “I was in French class.”

On the plus side, I walked in right after my name had been called for attendance so good timing I guess?

I checked my schedule then when I got home and found that another of my classes has been moved. I’m ready now though, they won’t get me again. Bring it on senior year.

Bring.
It.
On.

Quotes from Canada eh!

Well, my trip to Canada has come and gone. It was a lot of fun and I plan to write about it later. This post, however, is for a little vacation project I did. During my epic sojourn to the land above, it was decided that hilarious quotes should be recorded and then documented for posterity. The people saying these outstanding things will be:

1. Myself (Kyley)
2. Octavia (Friend who went on the trip with me)
3. Lucy (a British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, just finished university)
4. Louisa (another British girl who stayed in the same room with us at the hostel, 28, a French and German teacher) and
5. The VIA Train woman (works at the Toronto station)

I will be providing some back-story to help the quotes make more sense. Enjoy.

Situation One: The scene, it’s two in the morning, raining, Octavia and I have stopped at a rest area. We come back out to the car and Octavia proceeds to fumble around in her bag for about a minute and a half looking for her keys.
“Dude, I just want you to know, if this were a horror movie, we would so be dead by now.”- Kyley

Situation Two: We have arrived in Canada! Whilst trying to navigate we come to a red light which Octavia turns at.
“Can you turn right on red in Canada?”- Me
“I don’t know, if not I’ll just plead the fifth.”- Octavia
“We’re not in America!”- Me
“Oh yeah…”- Octavia

Situation Three: After much laughter, Octavia has a thought.
“We should really write down all the good quotes from this trip.”- Octavia
(Okay, so that quote is not actually that funny, but it was at the time because I’d already started doing so via facebook.)

Situation Four: On the train getting close to Toronto. I am annoyed because I can’t see ahead to tell if we are close.
“You know, trains are really bad for trying to see forward.” -Me
“Yeah, but the side view is really good for when you’re like, going around a mountain!”- Octavia
*Blank Stare*- Me

Situation Five: Still on the train, getting ever closer to Toronto.
“Oh! Oh!! I see it!!! … No, wait; it was nothing. Never mind. Don’t write that down.” -Octavia

Situation Six: At dinner with Louisa (see person number 4 above). We are talking about the youth today and how we think we were not as vulgar as they are. Louisa tells us that she agrees, and that she has realized she really needs to keep up with current slang. We ask why and she tells us because she had a student saying the word “growler” in her double period (two hour) class one day. She did not know what the word meant. After class, she asked some of the other teachers and was informed that…
“I let him say vagina in my class! Vagina!! For two hours!!!” -Louisa

Situation Seven: Octavia and I leave the hostel one morning. We pass the building pictured.
“Ooo, I love the deer!” -Octavia
“Those are moose.” -Me
*Laughter*

Situation Eight: It’s late, Louisa, Octavia, and I are going to bed, Lucy is not back yet. The following conversation ensues.
“Should I shut the door?” -Louisa
“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll just open it when she gets back.” -Me
“Well yeah, I’m sure she’ll open it! I didn’t very well think she’d walk through it!”- Louisa
*laughter*- Louisa & Octavia
“Yeah, I’m going to go to sleep before I say anything else absurd.” -Me

Situation Nine: Octavia, Lucy, Louisa, and I are in Chinatown eating dinner. Louisa all of the sudden gets very excited and says:
“Oh my gosh, guess what I saw today?!”
“What?” -Lucy
“A chipmunk!!” -Louisa
“No! Those are real?? I thought they were just in the movies!” -Lucy
“Me too! But I saw a chipmunk and a groundhog and a raccoon!” -Louisa
“That’s wild!” –Lucy
At this point Octavia and I have both totally lost it. Apparently in England they don’t have the same rodents as in North America. Additionally, they must think that these animals are all just some huge prank and fabrication put on by the Disney Company.

Situation Ten: Still at dinner, still talking about the differences in animals in our respective countries.
“The seagulls are much bigger in England.” –Louisa
“Oh, do they have like this? *makes motion of elongating chin*” –Me
“That’s a pelican!” –All
“Oh, right, wow, I feel stupid.” –Me
“Write it down! If the chipmunk goes in the book than so does this!” –Louisa

Situation Eleven (The last situation): At the train station getting ready to head back to Windsor. Octavia sees people moving to our gate so we join them. We get to the front of the line.
“And why are you pre-boarding today?” –VIA train lady
“Umm… I don’t know.” *winning smile* –Me
*Odd look* “Well… okay, next time just wait in the line though.” –VIA train lady
“Okay!” –Me and Octavia

So, that’s it. Maybe these are not as hilarious if you were not actually there but I hope you found them at least slightly amusing. I will write about my adventures soon, but until then, stay excellent!

Intern Win

So, a man that I work with has a running joke where he asks my boss to go to Dairy Queen and bring him back a Dilly Bar. Due to the recent heat wave, this has been happening with increasing frequency. Last week alone I recall him making this request at least three times. Now I, as an avid supporter of ice cream, I think this is a brilliant idea! So whenever Ike would ask Jake to go I would say, “Ooo! Bring me one too please!” But Jake always said no, he didn’t want it to melt, didn’t want Ike to get diabetes, worried he’d get attacked by a yeti on his way back, etc. This leads us to today.

My boss, Jake, is on vacation this week which is really quite sad for him considering the events of this afternoon. This being said, today while waiting to gain access to a site I need to use to finish a project, I decided to go get some food. Then I had the brilliant idea to go to DQ and bring back Dilly Bars. I did so. I walked into Ike’s office, tossed one on his desk, and walked out as he said, “You are awesome!”

Shortly thereafter this email (with photo) was sent to my boss.


“After years of asking one was finally delivered today (see picture)!!! In a related note Kyley has been promoted to Marketing Coordinator and you are now her intern.”

Win.

I’m going on a trip, eh?

So, I’m very excited at present because I am going on a trip soon! So far in my adult life I have gone on one trip, one! This is simply unacceptable! Granted it was an awesome trip (to St. John, USVI) but still, how can I ever hope to become a well seasoned world traveler if I am in a constant state of remaining sedentary? I’ve yet to even actually leave the country! But all of this will be changing, albeit in a small way, on August 9th!

I’m going to Canada! Land of maple leaves and Mounties and… things I will learn more aboot when I’m there! I’m 97.3% sure I will blog about the trip when I get back but I want to talk about the planning part first. So, I’m going with my best friend from high school. Since I never use real names we’re going to call her Pentarial, which is really funny if you know her real name, trust me. Well, actually, I’ll probably post photos later anyway which defeats the purpose of concealing her identity so her name is Octavia. Get it now? Octa to Penta, Avia to Arial? Trust me, it’s hilarious.

Originally we were going to go to Prince Edward Island, but when we found out it would be about $1000 each to fly there we changed our minds. I did some research looking to see if it would be less if we got to Canada and then flew. It was a little but still pretty pricy. But what I learned was we could drive to Ontario (which is only 3 hours from my hometown, absurd, I know) and then catch a train to Toronto. So that’s what we decided to do.

Now here come some of the fun parts.

I have a discover card because they’re awesome, I get cash back and my card looks like this. Canada does not like discover though, so when I went to order our tickets online I had to use my Chase card (which looks much less radical). After two failed attempts to use said Chase Visa, I was told I’d attempted to use a nonexistent card too many times. As I was holding my card in my hand, this was very difficult for me to understand. Clearly, it was, in fact, in existence. So I called the Train Company. We were having a lovely little chat aboot my upcoming trip and the woman had just helped me to order the tickets, given me the confirmation number, and asked me a leading question when my phone died. And just like that I became that rude American. So sad. So I ran to find a phone charger and promptly called back Canada. I could not get the same woman though, so on the off chance that you ever read this my kind Canadian helper, please know you were very helpful and yes, I am excited about my trip.

So, now I have the tickets booked! We are taking the train from Ontario at 5. It’s going to be a long drive but we can sleep on the train then so it should be fine. That’s the train by the way. I mean probably not the train, but one from the company we’re using.

After getting the tickets I had to book our hostel. This went much more smoothly than the train part. We’re staying here. It’s called The Planet Traveler and it’s the greenest hostel in North America. Solar energy, geothermal/heat transfer, photovoltaic electricity, wastewater heat reclamation, all that. I’m really excited about it, plus the whole place uses LED lights so it takes less energy to light it for a day than it does to run a hairdryer.

So yeah, we have not totally decided what we are going to do while we’re there but we are right in the epicenter so I think it should be a fun trip. I will write about it when I get back for sure!

Sorry So Serious

I know that generally my blog is comedic in nature (at least I try to make it so). Today, however, I feel like I want to write about something more serious. Yesterday, the news broke that Borders Bookstore was going under. They are liquidating entirely and will cease to exist, anywhere. I hate this fact.

Let me start by saying, I am slightly biased. I love words, writing, reading, books, everything. Additionally, I do buy books via Amazon. It's less expensive, fast, and the books come to me, what more could I want? Just because I sometimes buy on Amazon though, does not mean I support all of their endeavors.

I am not a fan of the Kindle. I don’t like the Nook. I don’t want to read a book on my iPad, iPod, phone, computer, or any other electronic device. Where my sadness about Borders stems from is that its demise is a direct effect of the electronic book age.

Thinking back to when I was younger, some of my fondest memories involve books. I know that every time I went to the mall in the “big city,” I asked if we could go over to Borders as well. I would walk around marveling at all the books. Now I know I probably sound like a freak but I just don’t care. I feel very strongly about my disproval of electronic readers and books.

Reading a book is an experience to me. Beyond the normal reading. It’s holding the heavy volume, turning the pages, watching myself progress through the story. It’s knowing that I will have that story for years to come, knowing I can share it with others. It’s having that book displayed on a shelf where it can be noticed and lead to discussions with others who have experienced it. I just don’t think I could get that from an eBook.

Most of all, I hate the idea of my children not knowing what books really are. The idea that they might not get to see, smell, and feel an actual paperbound book sort of breaks my heart. Maybe I’m alone here, I know several people who love their Kindle’s, Nook’s, etc; they like being able to carry hundreds of books at once. I see that as unnecessary. I apologize for the rant, but next time you buy an electronic book just remember that that is one less book future generations will have the ability to hold.


What do you think of the book vs. eBook debate? Should Borders have done more to create something like the Nook?

Top Life Advice I've Been Given Slash Lessons I’ve Learned

1. Don’t cut in line.

2. Don’t pout; a bird will come land on your lip and then poop on your chin.

3. Don’t try to ride in a Cozy Coupe if you’re too big.

4. Save your tears for crying over the big things.

5. Check if there is a wasp on something before you grab it.

6. If the snow looks higher in one spot don’t assume it’s a hill, you will get stuck and have to have your grandpa come pull you out.

7. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

8. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

9. Bikes have breaks for a reason.

10. If the school corn looks too perfect it probably tastes nasty.

11. Once a year, go through your clothes and donate what you don’t wear.

12. Don’t let fear rule your life.

13. If something scares you keep confronting it until it doesn’t anymore.

14. Trust your gut.

15. Don’t give up.

16. Break the rules every once in a while.

17. Do not get caught when you are breaking said rules.

18. Drive carefully.

19. Make good choices.

20. Be there for your friends but don’t let their life dictate yours.

21. Don’t be a tramp.

22. Watch cartoons regardless of how old you are.

23. If you see a boy you like go up to him and say, “Hey, you’re cute, you should buy me dinner sometime.”

Max Pain: The Life of a Supercreep

In the internship learning system, six sigma based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Indianapolis, the dedicated detective who investigates these vicious accidents is a member of his own elite squad, known as the Max Pain Victims Unit. This is his story.

Max is an…employee of the company I work for? He is the representation of six sigma safety, I believe. If you can’t tell from the photo, Max is a large wooden man. He kind of reminds me of a paper doll like I used to play with but way creepier.


First a physical description, just incase you can’t fully make everything out from the photo. To start, he has vampire teeth. As he is two dimensional they are simply tacked onto his face open to their full oval capacity. Above these teeth he has, what I can only describe as, a Hitler mustache. He has no eyes but a cap that would cover them if he did, in fact, possess some. No shirt but yes on the nametag. He appears to have some sort of skin condition involving red and green spots. One side of his torso is “dangerous,” and he appears to have several wounds being treated. His shorts are far too large and therefore are tied on with a zip cord. He has a baton in his pocket that I strongly suspect is his primary weapon of choice. He has very flat feet and no shoes.

I considered doing an interview with him but he never got back to me about whether or not he would be interested, he’s kind of a quiet guy. So instead I decided I just write a little about my experiences with him so far.

In the beginning of my internship, Max lived out in the vestibule because that was here he had been stashed during the remodel. In this location he had prime exposure and was able to both monitor the comings and goings in the building and scare the crap out of me on a daily basis.

He then moved around the hallways some, always in a new location, always scaring the bejesus out of me.

Now fast-forward to when we are all happily sequestered in our little cubes. I come into work one morning and who should be squatting in my cube, but Max Pain. I sigh and hide him behind some other things. (As the intern, my cube has become something of a catchall, I have some tradeshow decorations in tubes in the back corner, and he was hidden behind them.)

My co-workers made fun of me for hiding him and asked why I did not enjoy my new cube buddy, I responded with a scathing,

“Because he’s really stinkin’ creepy that’s why!”

I come in a few days later and the tubes have been moved to the side revealing Max Pain in all of his frighteningness. I promptly stack them back up all around him.

A few days later I come in after my boss to find Max Pain out and lying across my entire cube! I should have called shenanigans right then, but Jake and Cliff said they had “no idea” how it happened. I remain unconvinced.

Max is out of my cube now and moving around the office, spreading his creepertastic ways around the world as best he can. So, the lesson of the story? Obey six sigma safety standards or you’ll get harassed by a big wooden man. Yes, yes I think that’s the moral.

The New Look

I decided it was time i got legit with my blog. This being said, I designed this new layoutness. I think it's pretty cool. In a related vein, I am fast falling in love with the Adobe programs. Illustrator helped me to create the header for this. One more thing to love my internship for, I'm continuing to learn about things that are sure to help me as I go on! Okay, that's about all I've got, but since there is usually humor involved in my blog I leave you with this:

My Life is Absurd

Now don't get me wrong, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. If I get a chest cold I think it's lung cancer. All that aside, when something is actually wrong with my health I generally notice.

So, for the past few weeks my allergies have been really bad. Now silly me I just think it's seasonal and will go away. I keep taking my allergy pill and just deal with the sneezing, watery eyes, etc. Then the other day I got an itch on my leg. I look down to see I have hives. I have not had hives since I was a little kid. What the heck? I just try to ignore it and hope it goes away. (It's clear that my sister is a healthcare professional right? I mean I'm so responsible about this stuff, obviously she's taught me well...) I continue on for a few days just being generally allergy ridden. Then came yesterday.

I get home after class and decide to take a nap because I'm super sleepy. When I wake up I realize my lips are swollen. Oh hey, that's a symptom I'd left out, I was in like a constant state of having supermodel lips. Anyway, so I wake up with crazy swollen lips. Annoyed, I take a benadryl.

Then I decide maybe it's something in my room that is causing this, not actually just seasonal. I take off all my sheets and put them in the washer. I go up to the living room to watch TV with the roommates and wait for my lips to go back to normal. They don't. They actually get sort of worse. And then I start to panic.

I call my sister 'cause she's a doctor now. She makes fun of me a little and says I'll be fine.

Then the wheezing starts.

Now I'm scared. I decide to go sleep at my sisters because suddenly it dawns on me. I think I'm allergic to my new house. This is easily one of the stupidest things that has happened to me recently. I mean for real, who has a house that actively tries to get them out? It's like it's haunted only it's haunted by allergens!

So anyway, this morning I had to go to the doctor. I told her I was planning to clean my air ducts with a bleach concentration. She yelled at me. She told me I needed to ask someone else to do it. She told me I should not go back to my house until it had been done and the house had sat for a day or so. She made me get an EpiPen in case something went really bad.

Now I'm a nomad. I have no home (although I do have a very kind friend who is letting me stay with her for a bit). Luckily I have a friend who cleaned the ducts for me. If that does not work I don't know quite what I'll do. If you happen to see me sleeping on a bench on campus next semester though maybe throw a blanket over me.

Pray for me?

Sometimes you’re the pigeon sometimes you’re the statue.

I should have stayed in bed today.



4:30a.m. I wake up. Why am I awake? Why am I so awake? I’m a little hungry, maybe I should eat something.

6:22a.m. Alarm goes off, I get up, shut it off, and promptly fall back to sleep.

7:12a.m. Crap! I need to leave for work in 18 minuets. I have to shower because I had bug spray on last night. Sleep…

7:22a.m. What the heck self?!? Get up! Must shower!

It’s at this point that things get kind of intense, I’m fairly certain I break some laws of physics and maybe find a crack in the space time continuum while taking the fastest shower of my life. I scurry out and almost bite it on the tile floor but manage to catch myself.

7:25a.m. Clothes. Must find clothes for work. Solid colors, yes, solid colors are good. Solid colors match. Shoes. Grab a pair of TOMS. Phone, keys, planner, check. I grab my Froot Loops (side note, somehow I have never noticed that froot loops is spelled absolutely absurdly, I mean for real, who’s idea was that?) and run to the kitchen. I grab a sandwich bag to pour some cereal in. I proceed to spill all over the floor. I pick up the loops I can see, zip the bag, and dash out the door.

7:40a.m. I get in my car. I am officially running late.

7:42a.m. I open my baggie of Froot Loops.

7:43a.m. I spill my baggie of Froot Loops all over myself.

7:43:15a.m. I try to salvage as many as I can, clean myself up, and drive all at the same time.

8:00a.m. I am not at work. I should be at work.

About here is when I start to realize it’s going to be one of those days.

8:05a.m. I arrive to work and clock in.

8:07a.m. Receive email from my professor saying I need to correct something on my quiz. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I thought I'd done everything right. Crap.

We have another quiz today. I bought a bottle of wine last night in preparation for not doing so hot on it. Not sure how I feel about that yet. I will be really glad when this day is over.